The-Let's-Not-Make-Fools-Of-Ourselves-From-The-Start Blog - Irish at the Olympics : Day 1

The first day of the Olympics - proper - is continuing, but Irish athletes are done for the day. A few, indeed, done for the Games. We take a quick look at how the Irish got on.

The morning started with disappointment in the gymnastics, as Kieran Behan was pretty shit. A lot better than I could do, granted, but decidedly worse than a lot of other blokes could, and so found himself unceremoniously dumped out of the competition. He then even less ceremoniously cried while interviewed by Clare McNamara. The questions just kept on coming though, because Clare is a heartless bitch who knows good telly when she sees it.

The judo was even more disappointing, and not just because of the result. The sport itself was a massive letdown - I was expecting something from a Steven Seagal movie, instead we were greeted by a pair of girls in dressing gowns having a bit of an argument, like two out-of-town businesswomen debating financial strategies. In the end, Wu Shugen's points on quantatitive easing trumped Lisa Kearney's spirited defence of austerity, and Ireland had another athlete gone.

A better strategy is the one employed by Barry Murphy, who lost a swimming race but had the foresight to enter another. He is therefore guaranteed a bed until Wednesday, but will need to show a real improvement if he is to avoid a bit of abuse. On this blog, mainly.

Also entering more than one event is David McCann, time-trialling on his bicycle in a few days time after a less-than-triumphant 54th place this afternoon. This was a damn sight better than Nicholas Roche and Daniel Martin, who came in 88th and 89th respectively, but what they lost in terms of success they surely compensated for in loyalty and friendship. And David McCann seems like a selfish dick.

Something to cheer about finally arrived in the rowing in the form of Sanita Puspure, who qualified for the quarter-finals of the women's skulls without a lot of fuss. The fuss was probably avoided by entering the event solo - it's the other bitches in the boat that would have been causing hassle.

And, of course, the boxers. No surprise really, but all our expectations were met by two commanding showings from John Joe Nevin (above right, in red) and team captain Darren O'Neill. O'Neill outpointed Muideen Akanji 15-6 to follow Nevin, who enjoyed a 21-6 win over Dennis Ceylan.The boxers truly do look to be our real talents here - but then we knew that before. Wombats shit in perfect squares so they can mark their territory. You didn't know that before, did you?

There are still some horsey people out there, but the last time I checked they were dressaging, and sitting on a horse and making it dance is in my hole a sport. I might update this with how they got on later. See how I feel about it...