Beaches Be Trippin'

Mention the Olympics to any man (or, indeed, given its level of exposure, woman) and it surely won’t take too long for Beach Volleyball to enter the conversation. It is the embodiment of a sport that takes a 47 month hiatus every four years, only to re-enter the spotlight with a vengeance when the Games roll around once more. And, in fairness, it isn’t all that difficult to see why. If you are still struggling, this may help.

London, however, poses problems for the event, and not necessarily the ones you may immediately consider, such as the lack of a beach. No, that issue was quickly rectified with a temporary court constructed at Horse Guards Parade, right in front of the offices of the David Cameron. For that, you would have to give props. Such a player move on the part of the PM, he is truly living the Olympic dream.

No, the biggest problem, it seems, will be posed by the weather, and specifically the temperatures. See, a loophole – and that’s almost the only way to describe it (perhaps even an oversight) as far as I’m concerned – permits players to wear long sleeved tops and leggings once the temperature drops below 16°C (60.8°F). And going by the recent English weather that looks to be a distinct possibility.

Now please don’t get me wrong, I am as committed a fan of lycra as you’re ever going to find. In fact, yoga pants come in behind only white pants, sundresses and a pair of my own Calvin Klein boxer shorts in a list of my favourite things to see a girl wear. But the prospect of beach volleyball without bikinis is like a non-alcoholic beer, or a beach volleyball compilation video without a sleazy soundtrack. Basically, the very essence of what makes it great goes out the window.

The tragic demise of this great institution would be a devastating event for all of mankind. So pray for sunlight. Pray for heat. Or at the very least, head down Horse Guards Parade with a portable heater. We will all thank you.