Idiots’ Guide to ‘Lympic Events #2 : Archery

What:              Basically, it’s the same game you played on a school tours to adventure camps when you were 10. Also an extension of primitive hunting techniques, but you’re unlikely to be as familiar with that. Unless you are reading in a nomadic Amazonian camp. Or the past. In which case, welcome! And congratulations on your improbable computer skills!

Who:               Brady Ellison flies the flag for the United States, but this is a sport in which the South Koreans are absolutely dominant. I have no fucking clue why, to be honest. Small hands, perhaps. I don’t know. Just shut up.

Where:            The unlikely venue for the archery in London is Lord’s Cricket Ground. Since this is an idiots’ guide, I won’t expect you to understand, but it is a kinda big deal. Like if Lady Gaga played in a church. Not that archers have been upsetting the cricketing fraternity or anything, its just they normally wouldn’t be allowed in; this is the first time anything other than cricket has been played there. 

How:               Well, from 70 yards archers fire, 3 arrows a round, at the target pictured at right, which measures 122cm. I fundamentally refuse to explain further, on the grounds that if you can’t put the rest together on your own you are, in fact, a complete and utter moron.

Do say:            “Good shot / Bad shot”

Don’t say:       “I wonder if it would hurt to get hit by an arrow”